Who will fill Fulham and Villa's hot seats?

Peter Odemwingie to Arsenal | Jordan Henderson and Phil Jones to Liverpool | Wilson Palacios to Napoli and Leandro Damião to Spurs

Before we start, a minute's silence for the death of Mark Hughes's career. Stop laughing. It's not funny. Not funny at all. Although the Daily Mail, as on the ball as ever, reports that Hughes is free to talk to Aston Villa, in the same way that Piers Morgan is free to stop Being Piers Morgan, the Mill knows that's not the case. Randy Lerner wants nothing to do with the manager who immediately activated a break clause in his Fulham contract upon hearing that Gérard Houllier had left Villa Park. Only to find out that Villa have absolutely no intention of hiring the man who spent £18m on Roque Santa Cruz. Hughes will spend the rest of the day on the phone to Mohamed Al Fayed trying to convince him that whole break-clause thingy was just a practical joke and he's not really leaving Fulham and he'll be in bright and early on Monday morning and, oh God, he's just gone and bought a house in Aston and what the hell is he going to tell the wife now? So anyway there's a job going at Villa, with Martin Jol, Steve McClaren and Roberto Martínez in the frame. Carlo Ancelotti wants to go to a club in the Champions League though. Chelsea sounds fun. Fulham also need a new manager now – oh Sparky! – and Villa's former manager Martin O'Neill is the early frontrunner. Fulham are also eyeing up Jol and McClaren, not to mention Nice Chris Hughton and Nice Gianfranco Zola. But not Mark Hughes. No one wants Mark Hughes. Bored with repeatedly linking Cesc Fábregas to Barcelona, this morning the tabloids have broken with tradition and are ignoring the story completely. Arsenal have told Real Madrid that they won't be getting Cesc for anything less than £54m. If Fábregas does go, Arsène Wenger, lurching deeper and deeper into self-parody, will spend a whopping £4m to bring West Bromwich Albion's Peter Odemwingie to the Emirates. Showboating dandy Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain will also be snapped up for £10m from Southampton. If all that doesn't stop ungrateful supporters complaining about 6% price hikes in season tickets, the Mill doesn't know what will. Meanwhile Robin van Persie has told Chelsea to "shut the fuck up". That'll be a two-match ban for Wayne Rooney then. The Dutchman, exhibiting the sort of self-awareness that would shame Sepp Blatter, is fed up with Chelsea's players always complaining about referees. Van Persie is managed by Arsène Wenger. Van Persie, of course, did his bit for the Respect campaign by calling his sending-off against Barcelona in March "a total joke". Van Persie wasn't finished there – he also hit out at Barcelona for trying to get opposition players booked, presumably for tackles like this. Impressed by England's stunning World Cup last summer, Kanny King Kenny wants to build a nucleus of home-grown players at Liverpool. Well it's better than building an army of clones. On the way to Anfield are Sunderland's Jordan Henderson for £20m and Blackburn's Phil Jones for £15m. Smell you later suckers, Number 19 is in the bag. Dalglish will face competition for Jones from Arsenal and Tottenham, though. If Henderson does go to Liverpool, Steve Bruce will use the money to bring in social networking's Darron Gibson and Wes Brown from Manchester United. Wheeling and dealing's Harry Redknapp is in the market for some more players. So what's new? They're not having much luck though, Internacional rejecting a £10.5m bid for their Brazilian international Leandro Damião. If Tottenham can't get him, they'll move for up-and-coming tyro Didier Drogba. Wilson Palacios's move to Napoli has stalled, though, with Spurs demanding £15m for the Honduran midfielder. Alexis "Lawrie" Sánchez has told Manchester City he doesn't want to leave Udinese. So there. Real Madrid's manager José Mourinho has told City he won't give them £14m for Emmanuel Adebayor, last seen stomping around the Camp Nou karate-chopping any Barcelona player that dared to move. Everton's David Moyes is closing in on Germany's Miroslav Klose, who's very good, although he'll be a bit miffed if he ends up signing Bayern Munich's Miroslav Klose, who's very bad. Harry Redknapp is also "aware of Klose's situation". Of course he is. West Ham's Demba Ba could also be on his way to Everton, assuming he can be bothered to scrawl his name on a contract. Swansea have offered Watford £3m for their striker, Danny Graham, who sounds like he should be auditioning for a role in a Guy Ritchie film. QPR are keeping tabs on former Liverpool and Leeds gadfly Harry Kewell and fellow Australian Lucas Neill, and will use the presence of the Walkabout in Shepherds Bush to sway the pair, who are both available on free transfers.

 

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